Sunday, January 18, 2009

The View from Here

Today marked another episode in the mini-series entitled "Man vs. Himself vs. Nature vs. Machine" starring Jeremy the Engineer, set free from the confines of a cubicle to explore his true talents in a do-it-your-selfers paradise. The plot was probably exciting enough when The Hero was given a new chainsaw and 15 acres of assorted vegetation to destroy. Unfortunately, the puny chainsaw unfairly restricted the expansive goals of The Hero, and the producers decided that a larger, more powerful prop might create additional viewer interest. Enter: The Machine. This much more exciting prop finally provided The Hero with unlimited opportunities to conquer nature (The Villain). Previously simple procedures could now be executed in a more calculated, carefully engineered and incredibly drawn out manner. You see where I'm going with this?

The thing is, we want to live out in this tangle of brush and trees and weeds one day. But in order to do so, we need to figure out what the land actually looks like which requires good old fashioned clearing. This bears repeating, it's important. "Good old fashioned clearing." While I have always admired his ingenuity, the concept of simplicity does not mesh with the concept of machinery for Jeremy. You see - when the opportunity presents itself to overcome nature in the most complicated manner possible - you better believe he's going to pursue it. So began another exciting day of clearing. Jenna arrived eagerly at the edge of the woods with gloves and garden clippers, prepared to clear a path, albeit tiny, for Jer and his chainsaw. Jeremy showed up with: chainsaw (the list should stop here), tractor, 3 lengths of industrial strength chain with hooks attached, machete, 2 containers of gasoline, 1 container of diesel, and complicated looking instructions/blueprints which were explained as "Don't worry about it..." when asked what the heck they're for. The battle that ensued, though valiant, was futile. Hopefully we'll be doing things the old fashioned way, tomorrow.

The Villain:

The Hero attempts to conquer The Villain with The Machine:

The Hero fails to conquer The Villain with The Machine:

The dogs wait patiently for the nonsense to end:

And Rooney (I couldn't help myself):

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