Sunday, December 11, 2011

Things That Are Not Awesome

The following list is presented in no particular order, although the least awesome thing of all is saved for last.
Things That Are Not Awesome
1. The  9 hours spent hunched over stairs grouting tile that stopped making sense or looking nice as soon as I realized the extent of my stupidity choosing said tile. 

2. Having "Redneck Woman" stuck in my head like a skipping record.  I'm not knocking country music, mind you. But there are some lyrics you just don't want to start inexplicably singing out loud while grouting tiles that are apparently not intended for grout (please refer to #1)

3. Realizing that the most perfect name for our unnamed farm is the official name of a llama farm three "doors" down the road.  (Mesquite Bean Farm!  Come on.  Does it get any cuter than that?!)

4.  In the depths of winter, finding a rattlesnake at the bottom of a brush pile.

And the #1 thing that is NOT, under any circumstances, awesome:

5.  Upon killing rattlesnake by separating its head from its body, learning that a rattlesnake head will continue to lunge forward and bite while its headless body will writhe, rattle its tail and slither for over 8 hrs after losing its head.

Even if I tried people, I couldn't make this stuff up.  So there you have it.  A list of 5 things that would not make my Things That Are Awesome list. 

Which, incidentally, reads something like this:

Things That Are Awesome
1.  Having my mom help me start and Jeremy help me finish the most ludicrous tile project in the history of tile.

2. Having "Redneck Woman" stuck in my head.  Because it's pretty funny to sing, "Victoria's Secret, well their stuff's real nice, but I can find the same damn thing on a Wal-Mart shelf half price."  You go girl.

3. Knowing that you have a farm to name. 

4. Finding a rattlesnake in the winter and realizing your husband is also your #1 hero after bravely killing it with a shovel. 

5. (just because there were five items on the first list)  Eating hot soup after a long, cold day spent alternately tiling and considering whether condo living was not a better, more snake-free option.


Jessica said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and have spent an hour reading. You have done a great job here. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading about the projects you have undertaken. My husband and our 3 small kids are about to attempt what you have done over the past few years. We bought land on a whim and are now wondering what we were thinking. Oh Well, lets put a barndo out there! I am a country girl and I am looking forward to the adventure. I will be keeping up with your very entertaining and informational blog! Thanks for writing!

No Name Farm/Ranch said...

Hi there! I'm glad you found us and very glad you find the stories entertaining and helpful. Although, I'm guessing what you've learned from us is to do everything differently! I'd love to hear more about your land, your plans, etc. Good luck in your own journey back to the country - and buckle your seat belt :)